To the Girl Whose 2019 was NOTHING like She Expected

From the girl whose 2019 wasn’t what it was supposed to be:

Dear 2019,

You weren’t what I thought you would be. I remember sitting on December 31st, 2018 so excited for the new year, new me. My hopes were so high because there was nothing I couldn’t accomplish in this new year, right?

Maybe this would be the year I fall in love, make tons of friends, get my dream job, lose weight, eat healthier, fix my marriage, have children, buy the house, get the car, make good grades, make more money, love myself, find joy...Maybe this is the year everything changes for me.

January 1st started out good. My goals and resolutions were set. There was no way this wouldn’t be the year I finally felt happy.

Then life struck me. Things started to fall apart. Another boy rejected me, still unemployed, still living in my ugly apartment, still in an unhappy marriage, still not pregnant, still overweight, still only making enough to pay the bills-no more, still so lost and lonely and sad.

Half way through this year, 2019, I found some hope. It seemed like things might get better. Maybe the second part of 2019 would be where everything changes!

But my hope was short-lived- and just like that, it was over and gone. My happiness always just out of reach... My self esteem deflated...Loneliness creeping in on me.

2019, why has there been so much sadness this year! I feel like you have allowed so much pain and hurt in my life. You were supposed to be the one that changed everything. My big break in life!

Now look! It’s almost December and you haven’t done shit! What a waste of a year you have been.

Maybe 2020 will be my year… My year to fall in love, make tons of friends, get my dream job, lose weight, eat healthier, fix my marriage, have children, buy the house, get the car, make good grades, make more money, love myself, find joy. Maybe this is the year everything changes for me.

Good riddance, 2019!

Sincerely,

The girl whose 2019 was nothing like she expected

Did you just read this and relate so hard?

While writing this post I had the biggest revelation ever. I’m writing authentic, raw feelings that I’ve either personally experienced and/or seen those around me experience. I started writing this post, unsure of where it was heading...And then it hit me!

Girl, if you related to this, it’s time to get up and make some changes. Be the change you want in your life. One of the hardest things we do in our life is grow as a person. It’s so freaking hard! Staying stagnant seems like the easy way to go. It requires no work, right?

But being stagnant can be so hard too! You find yourself always wishing and hoping life brings you the thing you want. Guess what? Life does not bring our dreams to us!

Now, I totally understand there are some circumstances that we truly have no control over. We can’t just change certain things... I believe there is hope for you, too... and maybe I will write to you in the future... but this post is not aimed at you/your circumstances.

I’m not referring to things that are out of our control. I’m talking about our ability to have hope and joy in the midst of this confusing, hard life.

Take the steps that it takes to get better.

*If you are in a relationship with someone that does not value you or even really see/know the real you, is it because you have not spoken up for yourself or been honest about what you need and deserve in a relationship... or is it because you have chosen to be with a douche that is selfish and chooses not to change, despite his hurtful actions???Either way, you have decisions to make. Use your voice, regain your power and be honest with him... or kick that bum to the curb! You DO have control of this!

*Lonely and have no friends? Join the small group. Get yourself with others that want to grow in the Lord and grow emotionally/spiritually as humans!

*Hate your job? Make a career change. Go back to school... night school after work if you have to. Temporary pain to achieve long-term goals/success is worth it!

*Wish you had a boyfriend? Go on the date. Sick of bad dates with jerks? Where are you looking? What are your standards? And maybe most importantly, what do you think you deserve? Make a list of non-negotiables that you want in a partner. And you can tell quickly if a person is going to meet those standards... but you have to stop being desperate. Change your perspective from “I hope he likes me” to “Let’s see if his character measures up to what I deserve”. He is lucky to be going out with YOU.

*Depressed? Full of anxiety? In such a “funk” that you can’t get yourself out of it? Have thoughts of suicide? See a therapist! You don’t have to have the answers, but you have to get up and go find someone that can help you find them.

We have to be able to find joy in the midst of all of our struggles! In the mundane/boring... isn’t 75% of life mundane?

So what makes you think that you will be any happier when “that thing” finally happens? I promise you true joy doesn’t come from accomplishments or big life moments or more money or even anything you can buy with money. Pretty soon, those things will become old and mundane as well. We cannot keep waiting for the NEXT thing. I’m sorry, but eventually, the “next thing” will be death. And I know I don’t want to look back and see that I just wished my life away waiting for what was next.

2020 is your year! It is the year that you learn how to choose joy regardless of your situation. And here’s a little secret: only God beings true hope. Does that mean life with the Lord will be pain free? Struggle free? Of course not! Will there be sadness, pain, hurt, and loss in 2020? You betcha. But is it possible that through all of it you are still joyful? And have hope?! YES!!

Girl, now’s the time to do the thing you always wanted to do. It’s time to work on yourself. It’s time to take the risk. It’s time to get your damn eyes off of others’ lives and focus on your own. Stop comparing and cutting down! Take the time it takes to grow.

It won’t be easy... nothing worth anything is ever easy. And those struggles? Learn and grow through them. Don’t blame. Don’t whine. Don’t be a victim for one more year! Not for one more minute!!!

Stop looking at things that always seem to happen “to you” and start making life happen. Go on the offense! Stop responding to life and start proactively making the life you want! It does require planning and you may need to get help from a friend or a therapist or a life coach... but YOU ARE WORTH IT!

You are so worth it. I will be there with you, Friend. I, too will be doing my work so that I can be ready when those big moments in life do come. I will be working to build a solid foundation so that WHEN the storms of life come, they don’t destroy me. I know 2020 can be great. But first...let’s finish 2019 strong! Don’t wait another month to make the changes!

Start today!!

Let’s do this!

Love,

Chandler